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D A V I D' S    L I S T S
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I have decided to publish these here since that darn Timothy McSweeney has never accepted any of them. (There are plenty of lists he's published that are a lot lamer than these. Screw him and his stupid lists.)

Email me with your contributions. I may or may not publish them.

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Piano Repair Task or Sexual Slang?

Possible Six-Word Memoirs

Cat Dictionary

Suggestions for Peef album names (whose previous albums include 'Scrotastrophe' and 'Commujism')

Rejected names of a NASA experiment which tested the reaction of spacecraft surface materials to the upper atmospheric plasma

Celebrities I would like to bitch-slap, and why

Names I didn't give my cats, one black, one blonde

Things I did not say to the guy who called me a faggot

Sentences illustrating common incorrect word usage

Possible band names, inspired by a certain popular American alternative band from Chicago

Band names I suggested for what eventually became Element 36 but nobody else liked them

What Michael Dukakis could have said when he was asked what he would do if someone raped and killed Kitty

Things I wish I had said at meetings but didn't because I was too shy

A few great drag names

Unfortunate names to have if you worked for a company who designated each employee by an acronym consisting of the first letter of the first name combined with the first three letters of the last name

Ways to know you're in West Central Ohio

Anagrams of names of people I know, including myself, plus one celebrity

People I know who have interesting names

Pangrams I have made up (sentences that use all letters of the alphabet)

Palendromes that I did not make up

Distances of astronomical objects of a model universe 1/10000000000 actual size